The Misfits

"I don't feel that way about you, Gay."

"Well, don't get discouraged girl. You might."

Bitch, I said I didn't feel that way about you.

--

The first time I saw "The Misfits" I cried.

It was also completely relevant to what I was going through at the time. But a few years later now, I realize that its relevant for almost any girl.

There have been so many instances when I feel like Marilyn's character. When men keep appearing, "falling in love" with her, pawing for her attention when all she is trying to do is "feel something". She's not "asking for it" or even really wanting it at all - but she's used to it. She's so used to it she just lets it happen. She doesn't know how to stop it and in the end her naive, loving and innocent character sees the ugly truth about humanity.

It's not the best movie, but its makes me want to cry. The blatant truth behind the selfishness of men and the trapdoor that is love.

And, of course any movie is going to speak to different people different ways, but I think the forced romantic aspect of this movie is butchered by everyone. This is clearly not a love story.
--

I can't think of any friendships I have had with men, that didn't end with a "I want more" discussion. Or friendships that have been revealed to be fueled by ulterior motives. The guy friends who you find out have only been nice to you because they thought they could get in your pants are the mother-fucking worst.

I'm sorry - I really can't control someone else's emotions. And I also find it uncomfortable I should start every new friendship with a "I will never, ever, ever want to sleep with you" conversation. And lets face it - that is fucking ridiculous that anyone has to have that conversation!!!  Someone else's sexuality is not yours to control.

Also, those conversations are not fool-proof. You can tell someone every-single-fucking-day that you are not interested in them like that, and lo-and-behold 6 months later they'll be confessing their undying love for you. "Dude, I thought we talked about this." 

Someone who is only friends with you to get in your pants, is not a friend. Those are selfish people who only see you as an object. And do we want selfish people in our life? Hell naw.

Even swingers are more sane than the self-proclaimed "friend-zoned". They approach no-string sex with fucking sanity. 
"Hey, Laura and I were wondering if you would be up for a threesome?"
"No, I don't think thats such a great idea."
"Okay then. What toppings do you want on the pizza?"

If anyone reacted to that conversation with a "HOLY SHIT, you don't want to sleep with me? I can no longer be around you!" they got problems.

Let us remember: Women are not magical machines that when you put enough "nice" in, sex comes out. We are not yours to dictate, control or own. And if you can't comprehend that, then you can be on your way.

-CrazyK

And I can walk you right back...

Old friend messaged me on Facebook. Weird, since I don't remember when he removed me from his friends list. Also weird, is the nature of which we know each other. He's an old flame of Blondie's. They never slept together, though, she'll be quick to interject.

We talk randomly throughout the years. I can never tell if he's flirting or not, but I did send him photos of me in my underwear once, just to show him how much weight I had lost. So, hopefully the wires didn't get crossed there.

And you know what prompted this most recent re-connection? While I was in town for Blondie's b-day, he saw my profile on Tinder. (I really need to delete that shit. I never use it. And he's not the only person I know who saw my profile while I was in town.) What a great start.

Well, this gem happened during our talks. I told Blondie about it, and she insisted I post it here.

Me: I'm trying to get my boob job done before I move back out there.

Him: what's wrong with your boobs?

Me: they're ugly and painful. I've wanted a reduction since I was 14 and I'm just going to get it done finally.

Him: oh lol I thought the opposite kind of boob job

Me: oh no. Fuck that.

Him: haha I've never thought they were ugly

Me: I don't think you've seen them in all their glory though

Him: I haven't :(
I would love to though

Me: haha smooth

Him: thanks, you walked me right into it.

Me: and I can walk you right back. I got practice.

- CrazyK

The Big "Oh...no"

Never, ever, tell a guy you faked an orgasm.

It really doesn't end well no matter how you paint it.

I've only faked an orgasm a handful of times in my life. There are very few reasons I would even fake one - and believe it or not they're all good intentions.

1. You realize you're not going to cum that night, but you still want him to feel like a god.
2. You are tired, sore, and want to go to sleep. While also making him feel like a god.
3. You came close, but his knee slipped and he lost the rhythm mid thrust. So you just fake it because you're not sure if you did or not. To make him feel like a god.

The other options are to sigh, roll off, huff and say "it's not happening tonight." Which I've done. Plenty of times. And it's just a bummer, because even if I don't orgasm I still enjoy sex and seeing him enjoy himself. So, in essence, a fake orgasm is really a self-sacrifice for his. I only fake it with guys I like - if I don't like you, I'll let you know how frustrated I am. If I considered it a one night stand, I would waste no time to say what I needed and what I didn't get. But if I liked you, and cared more about your feelings than my satisfaction, I see no qualms with having to pretend a little 'O'.

Sweet, right? So how come guys get so pissy when you tell them you faked one teensy tiny little orgasm a few nights ago?

Because it is lying. They probably went and told all their friends about this awesome sex they had, how much you liked it, and daydreamed about how much of a king they were in the sack. So now they feel like a complete idiot. They should've noticed. How did they even believe it? Your legs squeezed up and everything.

Well, sweetie, I always wanted to be an actress when I grew up.

-CrazyK

I (finally) deleted my Tinder account the other day.

Not before seeing I had an unread message thats been there for god knows how long. It was some baby faced 21 year old with fun and innocent pictures. No shirtless bathroom pics, no waving middle fingers, no red solo cups to be seen anywhere, and no sunglasses. Breath of fresh air.

Then I head to my inbox.

"hey, dtf?"

Delete.



-CrazyK

Emotions

Emotions are funny things. They make us go crazy, they make us act irrationally. They make us completely disregard our self-preservation for that quick "high".

Dating is really fucked up, once you think about it. Why haven't we, as humans, evolved a better way of finding a mate besides just "trial and error"? 99% of relationships end, and no matter what that sorority girl told you, it's almost impossible to end things on a good note. At least one person in the relationship gets hurt. So we put ourselves through these relationships, subconsciously knowing that most likely each one will end in a fiery burning crash.

But for some reason, and I like to blame these pesky "emotions" we're cursed with, we convince ourselves that that wont happen to us - at least not this time. This time its the one. And we get invested and attached. We tell ourselves its love and we plan weddings and babies and future homes together. We hope that this is the one that will not end in a fiery burning crash - because deep down we have to.

Break-ups hurt. We swear we will never put ourselves through that again. We question what he did wrong. We analyze what we could have done different. We find ourselves wishing we could time travel.

In the end, it's better to tell ourselves that if a relationship ends, it just wasn't meant to be. This is probably why people invented religions - its easier to think of everything as one big "plan" by a higher power. It's not always in our control. Even if only one party is at fault, it's better to just let it go than to hold on - its the healthy way. If one person is more attached than the other, it's not smart, considerate or healthy to try holding onto that relationship. So, just let it go.

I've seen relationships come and go in my life. At first you wonder "what's wrong with me?". Then you start to develop a type of wall - make it harder for others to hurt you like that again. Then, when people leave you start showing them the door. I've had so many people leave my life, one more isn't going to break me now. I can now focus on finding the next perfect piece for my puzzle.


Pick your head up princess. Your tiara is falling.

-CrazyK